i wanted to post yesterday, but was nagged off the computer by my sister. i wanted to say something. just for yesterday's blog, before today's post.
the thing about life is not everything goes your way. actually, nothing goes your way. and when it seems like it, it's not. trust me, no improvement is actually an improvement. when you're promoted, it just add responsibility. maybe you'd have been better off with a lower pay. you could have managed. anyway, not the main point. i'v just realised something. i'm ready for life, no matter what it throws at me, because i know how to live alone. i can live secluded for as long as necessary. its surprising but true. i can. i have. i've done it before. and you know what? i came out the better for it. me, as in myself. not my situation. i came out srtonger, knowing i could survive. after that, everything i got was a gift and a privilage. nothing can be worse than living alone.
anyway, here's today's post.
i have decided to revamp my life. completely absolutely, forever. i'm gonna make a change so drastic that there won't be a relapse. i'm gonna start running every evening. i'm never gonna have to panic and traink a week before napfa. i'm gonna play basket ball whever my dad's free. he'll never feel like he has a daughter who doesn't love him. i'm gonna become slimmer, so i don't have to suck my stomach in when i wear tight clothes. i'm gonna train myself. and i'm gonna prove my maths teacher wrong. i swear, by god i will. he said that my progress is too slow, and he's worried. so does my mum. i will improve. and i will never give up. ever. i promise myself on the spot, i will NEVER give up. and i promise to NEVER break my promise. i don't know what i've been doing so long, but i know i'll be ontop of it when i'm done. I'll become more organized. i'll become more independant. i'll be able to make my way through the world. i'll be someone people WANT to love, not don't want to love. i want people to be around me because of who i am, not because i'm stupid and it's funny to laugh at me falling on my face. i want people to not want to laugh at me. i want people to go, she's the one i wanna be. and maybe i'm not gorgeous, maybe i'm not a genius, but it doesn't mean i can't try. everyone can try.
i just wanted to end off with these lyrics, cuz i was feeling particualrly whimsical today. i think it has something to do with running 2.4 km and shooting baskets after, but anyway.
One minute and the earth begins to shake
two minuted and my heart begins to break
another minute and he makes me feel brand new
that's just three minutes with you
four minutes and he's everything i see
five minutes and he's where i wanna be
another minute and everything feels new,
that's just six minutes with you
i need six minutes with you
That's the Jonas brother's 6 minutes. go listen to it. inspiring. :D:D
g'night.cj
theslaphappies :D \\ 5:40 AM
